Do Artificial Kwamis Dream of Electric Camembert?
by FlimFlam3
Summary: Tired of all the problems Akumas caused to him and his friends, Max decides to put his mind to the matter, and help Ladybug and Chat Noir in more ways they expected. Now rated "T" due some serious situations.
1. Chapter 1

**1 – the author does not own nor has any claim over Miraculous: Adventures of Ladybug and Chat noir, its characters or situations.**

 **2 – Tale for entertainment purposes only.**

 **3 – I was reading "Not that Ring, the Other One Ring", by leafgreenflower – go check it, is very good. No, wait, come back! Finish reading and leaving your opinion, then go check it – and I noticed Max is very underused on Miraculous community. I told leafgreenflower how that tale inspired me and that I intended to post a story after theirs was finished, for I did not wanted to force LGF out of any plot due similarity. They were gracious enough to give me a "go ahead".**

 **So, thank you, LGF. And I hope you all enjoy this one. Probably will be a 3-parter.**

 **4 – Opinions more than welcomed.**

* * *

Max opened the program on his computer. For a while, he looked at the empty screen.

He was akumatized. His best friend was akumatized. His would-be special someone was akumatized. Most of the kids he knows and talk to were, at one time or another, being akumatized.

And, no matter how forgiving are the others, the matter comes now and then on talks. Who looked the more ridiculous, who caused more damage, and more.

Worst, he could not completely forgive himself.

Clearly, Ladybug and Chat Noir need help. Rena Rouge does her part, but it's not enough.

They need someone with a more scientific approach.

He opened the Ladyblog. So much data. But scattered. Without a direction. Without a purpose. He can use all that to make a difference. He started to write his Hero Algorithm.

* * *

For a week, Max worked feverishly on the equations, correlations, data input. Even his friends started to notice:

"I think I need help, or I will fluke physics."

"Hm-hum. There's the school library."

Kim blinked at Max answer.

"I said I need help with physics."

"Hm-hum." He answered, without taking his eyes of the paper he was filling with equation after equation. Kim decided to test him.

"Never mind, Stephen Hawking was overrated anyway."

"Hm-hum."

"We have a year until we graduate, but I think there's still time to change my Second Foreign Language* from Spanish to Basque. What do you think?"

"Hm-hum. Very traditional."

"I am thinking about escalating Chloé's hotel like Spider-Man and serenate her."

"I am certain she will find it romantic."

"If I pick the TGV to Madrid, and from there a train to Pamplona, do you think I can run with the bulls and return without needing to pay for a hotel?"

"Hm, unlikely."

"My family will go back to Vietnam."

"Hm-hum. It will be nice to see your relatives there again."

Kim was having his fun, but enough is enough.

"Max!" he said, raising his voice "What's the problem with you?"

"Huh? What?"

"You were not listening to a word I said."

"Huh, you are planning to run away with Chloé to Basque Country."

"Max…"

"I apologize, Vietnam."

"Max!"

"I am sorry, Kim, it's just I am really fascinated with a new project and…"

"I will say but burning your brains out will not help. After school. You. Me. Sun. Ice-Cream. Don't say no."

"Huh…"

The buzz rang ending their talk.

* * *

 _*In France, secondary students, like the kids of Miraculous, must choose two foreign languages to learn. The first one is usually English or Spanish and, for the second one, besides German, Italian, Portuguese and others, they can choose a French traditional dialect/language._

* * *

Late night, Max was still buried on his algorithm. Long gone what is available on Ladyblog, he went to obscure sources. Legends of supernatural heroes of the past, with characteristics similar to Paris' heroes.

He let the computer ran the program and decided to check some books. Before he knew, he was dozing over then.

Hours later, a mechanical claw bumped lightly his head.

"Max, wake up. It's almost school time"

"Hm? Markov? I felt asleep. Wait, the computer."

The mechanic marvel hooved away his friend and creator, who was dashing to look at the screen. He looked at the information on it, his brain quickly processing those on a conclusion.

"Preposterous. Surreal. Absurd. And still… plausible. Markov, run the data again while I shower, will you? I don't want to get too excited without a confirmation."

"Sure thing, Max. But I can't find a fault at the input or output."

"Just satisfy me."

* * *

Max walked in the school gates in trance. The info was correct, his deductions, likewise. Who would know he was so close to

"Good morning, Max."

"Mmrrnikim."

Ladybug and Chat Noir all that time? Now he must develop the best way to use this information and

"After class, I will go do some parkour at the top of the Tour First**, want to come and see?"

"Maybe later."

Really help the heroes. It goes without saying he must work faster on phase two so Ladybug and

"Max!"

"CHAT NOIR! I mean, oh, greetings, Kim, didn't see you there."

"Still not paying attention, huh? Wait, were you thinking about Chat Noir?"

"Who? Me? What in the world could possible give you such a notion?"

"You just shout his name."

"I did not! I was thinking about Cha, Cha, Chaaaooomsky, Noam. That's it. Noam Chomsky. His new work is intriguing."

"Riiiight."

"Let's make haste. You don't want to be tardy, right?"

Class could not end soon. Back home, electronics, metal and lot of work waited Max.

* * *

 _** Tallest building in France, with 52 floors and 231 meters._

* * *

Four days later, Paris faced another akuma attack. Adrien rushed to a safe place to transform, he entered the boys' locker room, just to find Max there.

"Huh, hi Max, I am just looking for a safe place to hide from the akuma."

"You are in no obligation to find excuses, Chat Noir."

"W-what?"

"Explanations later. Markov, transform me."

The small robot flew to Max's locker, opening it and connecting himself to a large box hidden inside.

Then he flew to his friend, the box unfolding itself to an armor, mostly blue, white and some details in black in the torso. The helmet was a cowl, blue in the back, yellow around the eyes and nose, leaving only his mouth uncovered. Markov's face/screen sat in the middle of Max's chest.

"Call me Sparrowhawk, Chat Noir. Now, shall we get into action?"

* * *

 **You have no idea of how hard was to avoid calling him "European Swallow". His weapon, of course, would be a coconut.**

 **Again, if you like Max, go check leafgreenflower's "Ring" tale. And, if you are liking this, may I recommend my "Kwamisplaced" tale?**

 **Thanks for the readership in advance.**


	2. Chapter 2

**1 - Tale for entertainment purposes only**

 **2 - Sorry the lateness**

 **3 - opinions more than welcomed**

* * *

Two days before

* * *

Register of internal activities: Max is my best friend, that I am sure. It's one of the few certainties I have. I've being called a toy, Artificial intelligence, android, robot.

I wished to be called "human". Then again, wish is a form of thinking. I think, therefore I am. Not that I ever doubt my existence. The question I make is I am… what?

Max avoids all that questioning calling me just "Markov". Or, better yet, "friend". I like that. But that does not give me the answers I seek. Can metal and circuits feel something? Can I be a human? What is to be a human? What's a soul? Part of me is thankful I am making the same questions that plagued humanity since… since always. Other part is sad because I don't have the answers. Then again, no human can claim to know those, either.

I hear an alarm. These questionings, as always, drain my batteries too fast. I must be careful. Soon I will have no energy left for my propeller, and a fall can damage me. Then Max would need to exchange some pieces. And, with new pieces and chips, would I still be me?

There I go, wasting energy again.

I land in his hands, turning off the propeller, because what he is asking is too much. Max is suggesting I became something else. Something in the realms of mysticism, creation forces, I lack lexicon to define what, exactly is…

"A kwami. If our research is right, Max, those kwamis are embodiments of human's emotions and aspirations. And even that definition is beyond flawed. How can I emulate that?"

"If it helps you, Markov, you will help me to control my uniform, and that's it."

"But if you will be a real hero, Max, I need to become a real kwami. If someone can translate 'magic' into zeros and ones, it's you."

"Even I have trouble accepting the concept, Markov. Then again, we have plenty of evidences. Plain human beings being transformed in superhuman entities through butterflies. I mean, it could be a simple, reasonable and scientific way to explain it but, so far…"

"You felt it. I felt it. Our experiences combined could not find any clue or evidence we could follow."

"It was a failed approach. Alas, if we can't study Hawkmoth, we may have more luck with Ladybug and Chat Noir."

"Do you think I am up to that?"

"Markov, buddy, if you are not, nobody is."

Am I somebody?

* * *

One day ago.

* * *

Register of internal activities: From Max's backpack, I tried to scan his classroom in the widest spectral range I am capable of. I skipped the radiation waves harmful to humans and, more than that, would require special components installed. Some waves gave me notice of some kind of mass inside Adrien Agreste and Marinette Dupain-Cheng belongings. Infrared showed such mass do transmit heat. Or, better saying, they flickered heat for a millisecond, and showed no further trace after that. A common finding on most wave lengths. The most common exams would show those critters do not exist. Like they are, but only under certain circunstances. I report my findings to Max, who finds it intriguing.

Magic is still another component totally alien to our comprehension.

* * *

Today

* * *

Adrien Agreste was in shock looking at his friend now clad in a tech-armor.

"Look, Max, we a-paw-ciate, but this is more dangerous than it looks, you may hurt yourself…"

"Sparrowhawk, Chat Noir. I am Sparrowhawk. And we're losing time. We can spend the day arguing or do something before Hawkmoth legions became more powerful."

Chat groaned. Not another Damocles to make them busy while "helping". But he was right about they having no time to spare.

"Can you take care of the civilians? Take the non-akumatized blokes to a save place."

"On it, Chat Noir."

"… and nothing else, Sparrowhawk. Do not try to be a hero!"

With that, he rushed to look for His Lady.

* * *

Chat found Ladybug busy dealing with a horde of akumatized… disco dancers.

"Save me the next dance, bu…boogie-woogie-a-boo?"

"Chat…"

He chuckled."

"So, what's the situation?"

"That guy with the huge afro hairdo is driving people insane."

"How is he doing it? A jump to the left, a step to the right, hands in his hips and knees in tight?"

To Ladybug surprise, the phrase came not from Chat, but from a flying armored kid.

"What?"

"I will explain later. Sparrowhawk, I told you…"

"Right, moving on." Said him, flying to rescue some civilians

She gave Chat a questioning look.

"Later, LB. Now, let's avoid more people get the Cat-urday Night Fever."

She felt like crying. Two of those would be too much. No matter how innocent the Akumatized villain was, Ladybug would surely discharge her frustrations on him.

* * *

 **I never expected Markov to be the sane man... robot... thing on this mess. Two chapter, maximum, to go.**


	3. Chapter 3

**1 – The author does not own nor has any claim over Miraculous: Adventures of Ladybug and Chat Noir, its characters or situations.**

 **2 – Tale for entertainment purposes only.**

 **3 – A warm thank you to anonymous Guest, leafgreenflower, JustToby, Wickedbites and FanGirl for the warm, nice messages. Your opinion is also more than welcomed.**

* * *

chapter 3

* * *

It was an easy battle. The Akuma was in the floating disco ball over the so-called "Discommander", an youtuber frustrated over the meager numbers of his disco channel.

"Now, about this Sparrow, Chat…" began Ladybug.

"Hm, that may be a problem. Remember the Gamer and Robustus?"

"What does this have to do with…" she saw the new hero approaching "Max?"

"You have great memory, Bug-a-boo."

"Don't call me Bug-a-boo. What is really happening here?"

"As a matter of fact, Chat, it's not a matter of memory, as she is an acquittance of mine in real life."

"Did you find her secret identity too?"

"It's not that a feat, really. It's just a matter of…"

"Hey, you!"

The trio of heroes turned to see a group of rescued citizens approaching.

"Ah, grateful citizens." said Sparrowhawk.

"I got burns thanks to the hot burst of air of your jetpack." Said one angry woman. Sparrowhawk blushed

"I apologize. I shall warn folks to keep a distance of 1.3 meter from it."

"1.2 should be enough, Ma…Sparrowhawk" said Markov.

"I stand correct-"

"Why did you stop saving people to ask about our personal information?" asked another man.

"Well, obviously my retina scan and face recognition program did not work on everyone. Speaking of with, where's mr. Pérez? There's a matter of unpaid traffic tickets he must…"

Sparrowhawk felt a yoyo string grab him by the waist and pull him out of the angry mob before things get uglier.

At a nearby rooftop, still hearing the complains and bad words bellow, Ladybug confronted him.

"Now you see why you should let the hero business to the ones used to it?"

"I am but a beginner, not different from you two once. I already have feedback to improve my next call to action."

"There will be no next for you. Listen, Max, you are a good person, but leave this to us, right? You caused already too much damage learning our secrets"

"Not even we knew each other without masks, you know." Completed Chat Noir.

"You don't? Isn't that extremely inconvenient?"

"And if Hawkmoth realizes you do, you will be in danger."

"Serious danger. Beyond ga-meow over level."

Their Miraculous started to beep.

"And my Lady and I can't wait. We must run and cover."

"I know you will do the right thing and keep yourself safe." Said Ladybug, running from the scene.

* * *

Hours late, Max was spread on his bed, thinking.

"Please, cheer up, Max. We'll do better next time."

"They don't want a next time."

"Well, maybe we can do the back-up work. We can be the M to their 007, the Alfred to their Batman."

"It's an interesting idea. Let's try once more and see how it works from there. We need more research. Tomorrow, I will talk with Adrien, and you will interview his kwami."

* * *

Adrien did not need much convincing to agree with this after-school talk. Sure, Max entered the Agreste's car leaving behind two questioning faces of Nino and Kim – since when their best buddies were best-budding?

Max remained silent in the car, not sure of what to talk near Adrien's driver/bodyguard. Once they entered the model huge room, he allowed himself some conversation.

"I assume your modeling services are not in demand today."

"They are, but only later, if there's a clear sky. Some vitamin C ad – let the kids play until late, or something of that ilk. I will be playing soccer covered in fake sweat and real mud."

"The ironic part is some of your nighttime is already quite busy."

"Yes, and that's what I need to talk with you. See…"

"Agreed. I understand what was not on compliance with the plans. But, as I gather more data, we'll be able to…"

"Max, we don't want you to get hurt. It's that simple."

"Despite some flaws, I was able to hold myself on my first mission."

"Beginners' luck."

"You can't just demise my efforts as that."

"Look, again, I appreciate, I really do, but…"

"Max, I am having even a harder time pinpointing the kwami localization now."

Max blushed and looked inside his backpack

"Not the best time, buddy."

"Was Markov spying on me?"

"Spying?" Max seemed shocked "Adrien, that's such a harsh word, with so many unwelcomed connotations." The robot flew away

"Yes, Max and I prefer 'gathering data unnoticed'."

The model rolled his eyes.

"That's the definition of… Right, right, Max, I don't want to argue with you."

"Could you at least allow Markov talk with your kwami? For research sake?"

"No, I cannot. Because Plagg is my friend, not a servant I control"

"Aw, thanks, kid." Max was shocked to see the cat-like creature fly away from inside Adrien's inner pocket. "But I will talk to them. You're not the only one with fans, you know."

Plagg was enjoying the surprise expression on Max and… the total lack of movement of Markov. Odd. He saw him as Robustus and caught his talk here and there. He knows the machine is capable of something similar to emotions.

* * *

Register of internal activities: I see Adrien Agreste and Max making gestures, pointing to something, but my cameras capture nothing. My microphones register a faint static and nothing else.

* * *

Adrien and Max see Plagg waving in front of Markov, and listen to him activating several devices, but failing to respond.

"Hey, Scrap Metal. Right here." The mystical creature shook his head "Told you, Adrien, kwamis can't be photographed or filmed."

"That's preposterous. Markov, are you not seeing the cat-like creature in front of you?"

"Sorry, Max, only registering your and Adrien image and sound."

* * *

Register of internal activities: Max suggests to act as an interpreter. I agree, feeling myself diminished. How can I pretend to be a kwami, when I am so much less than a human? When I have cameras instead of corneas? Wires for veins, electricity for blood, software for self. No, focus, listen to the teachings.

I hear Max saying something about the kwami… Plagg, as I understood, came to existence as the first atomic sub particle of the newly created universe ceased to be. That would made him incredibly ancient.

His next answers are not that useful. Max complains something about his insistent mention of dairy products. Could be a form of koan? A parable? Such marvelous creature would certainly communicate that way. Adrien dismisses the idea.

"Believe me, Markov, with this one, a Camembert is a Camembert and nothing else."

* * *

Almost two hours later, Max was entering his home, without neither answers or support from Adrien/Chat.

"Perhaps we should reason with Marinette. Adrien is of the opinion Ladybug is the strict one, but I find hard to match such description with such delicate female. What is your take, Markov?"

The mechanical being remained silent. He was wondering how to ask Max for a small water tank to be installed on him, with two exit ducts on the low corners of his screen.

Because now, more than anything, he wanted to cry.

"Markov?"

"Sorry, Max. This unit infers… Chat Noir knows Ladybug better."

"How come you used 'this unit infers'? It's not characteristic of you."

"A machine does not 'think', nor has what takes to use 'I'. So…"

"Since when… Oh. This is about the kwami, am I right?"

"I-this unit was reminded how less of a human it is."

"Markov… I am not good in handling emotions." Max hugged Markov tight "Nor I would claim to answer metaphysical questions. All I know is you're one of the best things to happen in my life, and my best friend. I wish I could help you, but… I can't."

Markov tried to hug Max with his mechanical claw. What if this is as good as it gets, he thought.

"Max… you are my best friend." He paused "And *I* am glad for it."

The boy dried his tears.

"Maybe… maybe I can learn about psychology and we can work this questioning and…"

"Sure. But not now." Every Markov media connections alarm went off. "Akuma alert, Max. At Tour Montparnasse."

"It's our opportunity to get there before Ladybug and Chat Noir. Markov, transform me."

* * *

Sparrowhawk flew quickly to the skyscraper at the 15th arrondissement.

"Any other detail on our antagonist?"

"The trouble seems to be at the 52nd floor."

"Perfect for our characteristics." Said Max, gaining altitude.

At distance, they saw a woman wearing a kind of Napoleonic military uniform.

"Gave up, lady. I am Sparrowhawk, andI will not allow you to hurt people."

"I have this right!" shouted her "I was just fired, replaced by a computer program. Well, no more. No technology will work around me!" she raised her hand, and pointed to the armored hero "I am Breakdown!"

"M-max…" said Markov, with fear. Overcoming his worries, he assumed control of the armor, trying to pull Max out of the villain reach.

Too late.

It was so fast, all Max mind could do was form the 'what unfortunate coincidence' phrase before his Sparrowhawk armor shut down, and he began to plummet to the floor below.

* * *

 **I would like to know what kind of cruel, sadistic person would end a chapter like so.**

 **…** **; )**

 **Next, the final chapter. See you there**


	4. Chapter 4

**ATTENTION: Sorry. The way the tale developed I needed to increase the rating to T. hopefully this will not bring a problem for your readership.**

* * *

A millisecond ago, Max, as Sparrowhawk, was flying next to a broken 52nd floor window. Now, as the floor quickly approaches, his mind is a cacophony of moments of his life, of his family and friends, of Markov, all on second plane to the phrase "it's over". He barely registered a gray staff burying itself on the building wall, and a yoyo wrapping itself to it.

Next, in the middle of the pieces of his armor, no longer held together by electromagnetism, he felt a violent tug on his stomach, the firm arm of Ladybug embracing him swinging away from the vertical plummet. About a meter above, a lad dressed in black twisted his body mid-air to grab the yoyo string and avoid falling too.

The trio got to the floor safely.

"Meow you see why we were worried?"

But Ladybug made a gesture for Chat to shut up and stay, as Max ran to the scattered pieces of his armor.

"Markov! Markov! Where are you, buddy?"

He finally found the robot, case split open, cracked screen, pieces scattered.

"It will be all right. Ladybug Miraculous will bring you back." He turned to the heroes "Right? Right?"

"Right. Come, milady, let's end this akuma menace at once."

Ladybug was in shock. If she could not restore Markov… was she looking to the first victim of Hawkmoth?

"Right now, LB!" urged Chat. "Before media and police helicopters appear!"

She snapped out of it. No. No more victims. The heroes started to run up the skyscraper.

After a few minutes, there's just one thing left to be done Ladybug was holding the Magic Lantern they used to project the image of several modern machines around the office, confounding Breakdown. She launched it in the air.

"Miraculous Ladybug."

As the air was filled with thousands of mystical ladybugs, she rushed to the stairs.

"Quick, Chat, I want to see Max."

He was pointing to a door, that opened with a "ding"

"The express lift is working now, m'lady."

Soon, they were next to Max, still holding the robot, drenching it with tears.

"He is in one piece again, but is not waking up. Why isn't he waking up, Ladybug?"

* * *

In the next months, Ladybug fought akumas with a more determination, sometimes even rage. More than once Chat Noir had to calm her down to avoid an akumatization.

Max lost a month of school trying to make his friend work again. Without luck. And when she returned, he was avoiding Adrien and Marinette for a while, but their mere presence remind he could only blame himself. It took something very special to bring him to his feet again.

* * *

20 Years After That

* * *

"I own you a big one, Sabrina." Said Kim, with a huge smile.

"Oh, please, this is an everyday case between lawyer and client, Kim." Said Sabrina Raincomprix, looking at some papers.

"Really?"

"Yes, it's very common to have one of the few men to get medals on both the Summer and Winter Games wanting to adopt along his husband – let me stress the fact we're talking another male here – with the condition the media should not know about it. I expect at least a bonus."

"Don't forget my husband is the responsible for Renault's AI cars."

"Right." She laughed "A bonus and to be one of the kids' godmothers."

"Gee, I don't know." He said, faking a doubt. "What do you say, Max?"

But Max was already walking along the orphans. Those, who know very well what means an adult there, practically threw themselves on the man.

All but a four-five year old kid, who was building something tall with his blocks. For some reason, Max went to him.

"Hey, what are you building there?"

"The Too Montpanasee."

Max heart skipped a beat.

"Why? T-There's lots of taller buildings now…"

The kid was making a small plastic bird fly near the top.

"The birdie, the birdie went backwards. Bad birdie. Go up so the boy can grab the roof."

Finally, he faced a dumbstruck Max with large eyes full of emotion and opened a smile.

"Wanna be my friend?"

* * *

 **END**

* * *

 **Right, this was much more "da feels" than I was planning. Hope you enjoyed the ride, and I promise to return to light-hearted, funny tales. That was too much even for this author.**


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